What’s The Opposite Of A Lunchbox?

On this week’s setisoppO, the podcast where we work out the opposite of things that don’t have a natural opposite, we rather surprisingly didn’t get in to a debate over whether it’s lunchbox or lunch box. Instead, we worked out the opposites of goblins, Spartacus, and lunch( )boxes.

 

Whilst looking about for images and videos and adverts and whatnot, I realised that the lunch boxes from the 80s don’t really look the way I remember them looking. I mean, they sort of do, but not quite.

That just seems a little off to my mind, though I don’t know why.

Odd.

The Dangerous Brothers On Noel Edmonds

Sometimes in the 80s and 90s, two very different comedy worlds would clash. Like that time Rik Mayall was on Cannon & Ball. Or this:

Yes, that’s the Dangerous Brothers on Noel Edmonds’ Live Live Christmas Show, apparently as part of a segment that was promoting an upcoming Comic Relief. For some reason, they seem more in their Filthy, Rich & Catflap modes here, but they wouldn’t be doing that for another year yet.

Budget Cuts

The man was waffling on about deficit reduction, and gross domestic product, but everyone was tuned in waiting to hear one thing, and one thing only.

“When will he get to the tax cuts?” someone in the room asked.

Everyone just shuffled uneasily. No-one liked to admit this was the only thing they were interested in, and so the question remained unanswered.

It was another ten minutes until he turned his page, and cleared his throat, before getting to it.

“Now, I know a few of you have been waiting for my announcement about the tax cuts,” he said with a shit-eating grin that prompted some knowing laughter in the chamber.

When the TV cameras cut to a wide shot, it was plain to everyone that all of the members on the Government benches were a good three foot taller than those sitting on the opposition ones.

A few people in the room darted quick glances at the higher ups, the minority of the group, gathered at the back, peering easily over the heads of their subordinates. No-one really knew when their society had adopted the height-based ‘meritocracy’, because it was so ingrained in their minds. Tall people were just better, it was agreed. Even when it wasn’t.

The six foot tall man on the TV continued.

“Anyone under five foot four should report immediately to their cut centres, and pay,” the pause he left for dramatic effects was appreciated by no-one. “A further three centimetres.”

Groans drifted around the room, and a few mumbles could be heard. Only the people at the back were smiling.

“Anyone over five foot eight, will not be taxed.”

A cheer went up around the chamber, and was echoed from the back of the room.

“It’s only fair,” said one of them, to the agreement of the others. “Short people can’t contribute to society the way tall people do. And it’s only another three centimetres.”

No-one commented that the short were getting shorter.

It wasn’t the done thing.

World Hello Day

World Hello Day is all about promoting communication and resolving conflict. You’re supposed to say hello to ten people today, so to the first ten people who read this – alright?

It struck me just how many running jokes on Seinfeld revolve around the greeting. And not just the Newman ones either.

There is of course, the Uncle Leo ones.

And then there’s even a whole episode about it.

The Most Awkward Blog I Have Ever Written

Sometimes you have to step outside of your comfort zone, if only to remember why you defined the borders of that zone in the first place. So it was, that this weekend, I set myself an arbitrary, stupid, and ultimately pointless challenge.

Write and make something.

I set myself a few rules.

  • No preplanning
  • No rewriting
  • Publish it no matter what

It also had to be between 10 and 15 minutes long, and it had to be something that I could make entirely on my own. Imposing restrictions like that, I find, is often a good way of having ideas, weirdly.

The point was to remind myself why it is I like to pre-plan my writing, and to remind myself why re-writing is so important.

That’s why posting this is quite so unnerving. I might as well be showing you my big fat arse.

 

I can already list a dozen things I would do in a re-write, including getting rid of the weird car references at the start, and totally changing how and who does what, as well as doing a few more takes of certain line readings, and you know, getting someone who can actually act.

So, what have I learned from this stupid exercise?

That I need a social life.