Sometimes we don’t get enough time on the podcast to discuss some of the better articles in our supplements. I liked this one so much though that I’ve decided to reprint it in full, and hang the copyright implications.
I Did It Yahweh
It’s not often we journos get a chance to meet the actual man. You know, the one with the stick and all. That’s why we here at You were so chuffed when we ran in to Him on our travels. We took the opportunity to ask as many tough questions as we could, and what follows is dynamite stuff.
You don’t mind if I tape this do you?
Um … I’m not …
It just makes it easier to chat and not have to worry about taking notes.
Okay. I suppose.
Right good. I think the first thing our readers would love to know, is, as God, where do you buy your shoes?
Are you serious?
Of course. I mean, it’s hard enough for mere mortals to find a good pair, but what about God?
That’s your first question? Where do I buy my shoes?
I’m God. You’ve managed to track me down and corner me into a universal exclusive with your magazine, I think most people would ask about the meaning of life, not where I purchase my footwear.
I think our readers would be more interested in shoes.
I know they’re more interested in the point of existence.
With respect God, I think I know what our readers want.
With respect, I’m omniscient.
I don’t know what that means.
Look, can we just carry on?
(God sighs (What a diva! – ed)) Go on.
Okay, you want something more meaty. Um … what’s it like being God?
Well, I’m not even sure I AM God anymore.
Ooh, a crisis of confidence, what’s bought this on?
You’re recording this interview. Given that absolute proof of my existence can only be gained through faith, a magnetic tape with my voice on it would suggest I’m not actually God.
Can I ask you about the shoes now?
No. Look. Here I am, the supreme being of the Universe, and I’m not even sure what I’m doing here.
Exactly. If God doesn’t know the point of life, then why should our readers care?
Good point. I hadn’t thought of that. Argh, so now it seems I’m not even infallible.
What does infallible mean?
(God looks worried) I don’t know.
Okay, so, why not just tell our readers the meaning of life?
Um … I don’t … is it? Is it a good pair of shoes?