Something Strange Is Afoot At The Supermarket

I had an odd feeling whilst shopping earlier.

And not that usual insistent urge to scratch your anus whilst looking at bacon in the supermarket.

I self-scan while I shop, mostly because I welcome our robot overlords, and I’m a terrible person. But as I was beeping away with the little hand-held R2 unit, I looked up, and saw something.

I don’t even know what I saw.

I just know I saw … something.

And it bothered me.

That strange sense of knowing I had missed something.

It’s was almost like something was no longer there.

Like …

… someone had vanished in front of me, just as I looked the other way.

And then came that urge.

Not the one about the anus.

The other one.

The urge to do something daft.

Something weird.

Something downright improper.

So, not knowing why, I pointed the scanner unit right into my eye.

And pressed the button.

There was a blinding red light. Everything around me changed. I was on a production line, being shifted forward, inexorably, towards a massive grinding machine.

There was nothing I could do to stop it.

I was pushed into the grinding machine.

I am a can of Spam now.

And you cannot hear my screams of pain.

You just know that someone else vaguely realised I had vanished from the aisle.

And that they too had an urge to scan themselves.

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