Here are a few things I’ve learnt this weekend:
– If you click the I’m Feeling Lucky button without typing anything into Google, you are taken to an image of yourself molesting a fairytale dwarf.
– Lucky was, ironically, the luckless eighth member of Snow White’s backing troupe. His career came to a premature end when he was caught in an alley fellating an unnamed Womble. The pap pictures were published a week before the group signed their lucrative movie deal with Disney.
– According to an embittered celebrity cartoon character, Womble cock tastes like chicken.
– Orinocco has consistently denied claims that he had a gay affair with Chicken Little.
– Jenson Button’s car did not actually move during the Monaco Grand Prix. Instead, the Brawn GP machine is so torque-heavy, he was able to leave the handbrake on and guide the entire world around his stationary wheels. The FIA is unsure as to whether this is breaking the rules.
– You cannot claim to be a real man unless you have killed an elephant with your teeth.
– Elephant skin is tougher than it looks.
– Reconstructive dental surgery is expensive.
– I am not a real man.