Thought Vomit #36: ft. Me Being Bored

Here are a few things I’ve learnt this weekend:

– If you click the I’m Feeling Lucky button without typing anything into Google, you are taken to an image of yourself molesting a fairytale dwarf.

– Lucky was, ironically, the luckless eighth member of Snow White’s backing troupe. His career came to a premature end when he was caught in an alley fellating an unnamed Womble. The pap pictures were published a week before the group signed their lucrative movie deal with Disney.

– According to an embittered celebrity cartoon character, Womble cock tastes like chicken.

– Orinocco has consistently denied claims that he had a gay affair with Chicken Little.

– Jenson Button’s car did not actually move during the Monaco Grand Prix. Instead, the Brawn GP machine is so torque-heavy, he was able to leave the handbrake on and guide the entire world around his stationary wheels. The FIA is unsure as to whether this is breaking the rules.

– You cannot claim to be a real man unless you have killed an elephant with your teeth.

– Elephant skin is tougher than it looks.

– Reconstructive dental surgery is expensive.

– I am not a real man.

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