Thought Vomit #167: ft. A Scene From A Pilot

A couple of years back, I co-wrote a pilot with Wil Hodgson for Angel Eye. It was meant to be for BBC Three I think, but they passed. Anyway, here’s a scene from it.

EXT. ROSE AND CROWN – MOMENTS LATER

Wil wanders up to the door, blocked by a BOUNCER.

BOUNCER

Don’t go in there.

WIL

You’re still serving aren’t you? It’s only just gone nine.

BOUNCER

I’m not saying you can’t go in there, I’m saying you just don’t want to.

WIL

Why not?

BOUNCER

A spot of bother.

WIL

What sort of bother?

BOUNCER

Mad Mickey’s been let out early, and he’s letting off some steam.

MAD MICKEY appears in the window, wearing just his pants, brandishing a pool cue and growling. He may even be partially on fire.

WIL

I need a drink. Why don’t you just call the old bill?

BOUNCER

Nah, we don’t want the old bill down here, they’ll shut us down.

WIL

Mad Mickey is shutting your pub down. It’s on fire.

BOUNCER

Don’t tell me how to do my job.

Something smashes through a window.

WIL

What set him off?

BOUNCER

Apparently someone yawned, which made him want to yawn, and he didn’t like that.

(shrugs)

And there’s the result.

A person on fire runs out of the pub. They stop, clock Wil ...

ON FIRE

Gay!

... and run off.

BOUNCER

People wanna watch where they’re yawning if you ask me.

WIL

I know you don’t want the old bill coming round, but it’s kind of what they’re there for.

BOUNCER

We-ell, he’s been provoked hasn’t he?

WIL

What about next door? Can I get a quiet drink in there?

BOUNCER

Nah, they’ve got an ambulance in.

WIL

What happened?

BOUNCER

Some bloke went to lean on the bar, bar’s open, fell right through vertically, like that.

WIL

Sounds like it might be quite funny.

BOUNCER

Nah, he’s broke his neck, quite the opposite. He might even die. Fours’ll be open though.

WIL

Cheers.

As Wil walks away, we subtly frame the name of the pub next door for the first time, Del Boy’s. We see him pass an ambulance.

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