Wanna hear something disgusting? Yeah, of course you do.
For a few months now, as I have been lying in bed riddled with insomnia, I’ve been able to hear the sea. Not because I’m near the ocean, more like the noise you hear when you put a shell to your shell-like.
What’s more, I would hear the noise if I rubbed my ear a little bit. I thought it might be something to do with my wisdom teeth, because I could also hear it if I was eating. It was an odd sensation, and a bit disconcerting, but I never got round to visiting the doctor about it.
Then, last week I was cotton-budding away in there, and pulled it out to examine the waxy gunk – and stuck to the end was a huge feather.
Yeah. A feather had been in my ear for months.
I had to do an actual physical double-take. I even blinked my eyes clean.
It was huge too. About an inch long. It must have popped through a pillow and clambered in to my lughole. And if I was a feather, I think I’d want to live in a waxy cavern too. I don’t think the noise would bother me. It’d be infinitely better than living on a duck’s arse.