Coming Soon

Here’s the opening of my new novel In The Can, coming soon to a book or book reading device near you.

Helms opened his eyes.

It was dark.

So he sat up.

The loud metallic thud and crunching pain in his forehead provided a timely reminder as to his whereabouts.

He was in the boot of a car. Helms supposed that this being Los Angeles, it should be the trunk of an automobile. But he was determined to cling on to his Britishness, even in the midst of a kidnapping.

The pain in the front of his head gave way to the more persistent pain in the back of it. There was a blurred memory of being koshed, then stuffed in here like a child’s resented violin.

Helms could smell his knees.

One arm was pinned down by his whole body, and his legs were bent double into his chest. A slight ethereal scarlet glow was leaking in from the taillights, and the dull monotonous rumble of tires on tarmac provided a white noise that fought hard to silence his mind.

Helms blinked.

His free hand snapped to the left side of his face so hard it hurt.

His eye was missing.

Maybe
Coming Spring 2013
Buy My Books
  • Proctology: A Bottom Examination
    Proctology: A Bottom Examination

    For a long time now I’ve been wanting to write an old-fashioned programme guide. One you can hold in your hand and thumb through, make notes on, spill coffee on. So I did. Proctology: A Bottom Examination is my deep dive into Bottom, the hit BBC Two sitcom starring Rik Mayall and Adrian Edmondson. That’s…

Follow
Most Read
  • Re-Casting Keanu
    Re-Casting Keanu

    Keanu Reeves is 56. That makes him eight years older than Clive Dunn was when he was first cast in Dad’s Army. But don’t panic, Clive Dunn was always playing much older characters than his own age. Keanu Reeves is 56. That makes him seven years older than Stephanie Cole was when she was first…

From The Archive

Sign up for my FREE newsletter