Some comedy programmes, back in the day, were allowed to get away with writing stupid listings for The Radio Times. Here, in all their glory, are the ones for Alexei Sayle’s Stuff …
For the very first episode Fun With Magnets:
Dear Radio Times,
The Radio Times, Issue 3384
Hooray for Alexei Sayle! The funniest TV show since The Good Life! What a tonic his new series Stuff is. I haven’t laughed so much since Margo fell flat on her face in the compost heap. One tiny request though, could you get rid of that fat b*****d in the tight suit and put in more scenes with Felicity Kendal wrinkling her nose up?
Many, many thanks,
(Mrs) D. W. Piper
Bude, Cornwall
ALEXEI SAYLE replies: Who gives a damn what you think?
There was also a feature article about the show elsewhere in the magazine.
For the second episode From Avogadro To Ava Gardner:
Dear Radio Times,
Why oh why do TV producers insist on subjecting us to the inane cackle of audience laughter, completely drowning programmes with an endless cacophony of mindless braying at the slightest provocation?
Fortunately this is not the case on Alexei Sayle’s Stuff where, joy of joys, the studio audience always remains in stunning silence throughout! More of this please!
(Mrs) Sandra Robespierre ,
ChislehurstALEXEI SAYLE replies: Who gives a damn what you think!
The Radio Times, Issue 3385
Episode three had the title Cartesian Dualism for the Fuller Figure:
Dear Radio Times,
The Radio Times, Issue 3386
Spare a thought for us senior citizens. Give us something we can really enjoy. Unmitigated filth.
(Mrs) Jeffrey Barker
Sutton Coldfield , W Midlands.
ALEXEI SAYLE replies: Who gives a damn what you think?
The Dobsey Twins Isolate Radium was the name of the fourth episode:
Dear Radio Times,
Congratulations on producing a real winner with Alexei Sayle’s Stuff. My two daughters and I find the constant references to ‘fat b*****d’ somewhat baffling as the gentleman is in fact rather slender and well proportioned. Is this merely a joke?
(Mrs) L. Minnow
Horncastle, LincolnshireALEXEI SAYLE replies: Who gives a damn what you think?
The Radio Times, Issue 3387
In the fifth instalment, Alexei asked Leibnitz: Man Or Biscuit?
Dear Radio Times,
What a delight Alexei Sayle’s Stuff was this week! My family and I were enraptured by the two young puffins and their hilarious attempts to build a nest using old newspapers. Please, please repeat this soon as it was such a tonic for the eyes in these days of fat b*****ds and shaved heads whining on about Mrs Thatcher.
(Mrs) Josie Pencil
Stratford-under-LyneAlexei Sayle replies: Who gives a damn what you think!
The Radio Times, Issue 3388
And for the closing show of the first series, he taught us How To Point At Chickens.
Dear Radio Times,
I switched on my TV set at 9.00pm on Thursday expecting to see another edition of Alexei Sayle’s Stuff as advertised. What a disappointment! Due to the whim of those mandarins in programme planning, the series was not cancelled to make way for last-minute coverage of the Embassy Pro-Am Snooker final from the Crucible Theatre, Sheffield.
Spare a thought for the poor sporting viewer, please!
(Mrs) Daisy Hatch
DoncasterALEXEI SAYLE replies: Who gives a damn what you think!
The Radio Times, Issue 3389
Series two began with Tinkering With Teeth.
Dear Radio Times,
The Radio Times, Issue 3436
Quite honestly some of us are fed up to the back boiler with the outrageous political bias in Alexei Sayle ‘s Stuff. I refer to this week’s ‘sketch’ making fun of the McCarthy witch-hunts of the 50s. I myself am a witch and I assure you there is nothing funny in being burnt at the stake for acts of diabolic necromancy. Since this is the case, I have also adapted it into a new series for Emma Thompson. Would the BBC be interested?
(Mrs) Norma Drizzle
Chingford
ALEXEI SAYLE replies: Who gives a damn what you think!
Then Westward H2O.
Dear Radio Times,
Being right-wing crypto fascists with fixed ideas and loud screeching voices, my husband Pip and I sat down to watch this week’s Alexei Sayle’s Stuff on BBC1 with Great Trepidation (our 14-year-old labrador). Imagine our delight when we realised that Mr Sayle had lost several stones and spent the entire show sitting behind a news desk reading hilarious government ‘plans’ for education and health services – keeping us in stitches for the entire half-hour. More of this please!
Mrs Wilhemina Rees-Mogg,
Dungeness, KentALEXEI SAYLE replies: Who gives a damn what you think!
The Radio Times, Issue 3437
Followed by My Pal Mozart.
Dear Radio Times,
I am a senior citizen struggling to make ends meet on a small fixed grin, and am unable to get out of the house these days due to the front door being bricked up by Friends of the Earth. As such I watch a great deal of television and take particular exception to Alexei Sayle’s Stuff. If Mr Sayle finds life here so disagreeable, may I suggest he moves to England, where totalitarian government, lack of human rights and a disastrous economy would really give him something to moan about.
Mrs Martina Kalashnikov,
SmolenskAlexei Sayle replies: Who gives a damn what you think?
The Radio Times, Issue 3438
Next was Six Body Builders of the Italian Renaissance.
Dear Radio Times,
When, oh when, will the BBC stop concocting these appalling fake Radio Times letters from obviously bogus people called ‘Mrs Noreen Gripper-Rod’ and the like to publicise Alexei Sayle’s Stuff. Even I am completely dummy and do not exist in any rational sense – so stop printing this at once!
Dame Judi Dench,
The Bafta Awards, Attenborough-on-Hankies, SurreyAlexei Sayle replies: Who gives a damn what you think?
The Radio Times, Issue 3439
Followed by Whistling Calculus for Tax Purposes.
Dear Radio Times,
As a mother of 20 years’ standing and more recently lying down, can I make a heartfelt plea to those upstairs. Could you tone down the irritating laughter during Alexei Sayle’s Stuff. It drowns out the studio audience so heaven knows what you’re doing in that flat.
Joan Lloyd, Nine ElmsAlexei Sayle replies: Who gives a damn what you think!
The Radio Times, Issue 3440
And finishing the series with Margaret Drabble – the Hard Way.
Dear Radio Times,
The Radio Times, Issue 3441
Could we hear Pearl Carr and Teddy Johnson sing anything from Alexei Sayle ‘s Stuff
Max Bygraves, Gilly Gilly Ossenfeffer Katzen Ellen, Bogen by the Sea
Pearl Carr and Teddy Johnson reply: Who gives a damn what you think!
A month after the second series finished, BBC Two aired a single episode of the show on the 18th December 1990. As far as I can make out, it’s a repeat of the very first show, but the listing is now different …
Dear Radio Times,
Hip hip hoorah! International recognition for the corpulent illegitimate! How I cheered when this year’s comedy Emmy was awarded to Alexei Sayle !
Alexei Sayle,
End of Bloomsbury Dole Queue, WiganAlexei Sayle replies: Who gives a damn what I think?
The Radio Times, Issue 3445
Unfortunately, this letters conceit wasn’t continued through into the third series, which has much more staid and traditional listings.
