Thought Vomit #163: ft. Hitler’s Grubby Willy

Posted on September 18, 2012 by Simon Dunn

From the post title, you might think that this is about Hitler’s scouse nephew Willy Hitler, a man who tried to blackmail his uncle into giving him a high-ranking job in the Nazi hierarchy. But that’s a whole other blog.

No, this is about the (possibly apocryphal) story that Adolf Hitler invented the blow-up sex doll.

I’ll say that again – Hitler invented the sex doll.

It was called the Borghild Project, and began in 1940 as a way to discourage German soldiers from using prostitutes and spreading syphilis. Himmler was put in charge, and oversaw the design of a smaller-than-life rubber doll called … wait for it … The Gynoid.

This is NOT the Gynoid …

Unsurprisingly, it had blue eyes and blond hair.

After Himmler did some “extensive testing” (get that image out of your head), he ordered the first 50 into production. The project was abandoned though in 1942, after soldiers were too embarrassed to carry The Gynoid around with them, for fear of ridicule or having to explain it to the enemy if they were captured.

Author Graeme Donald uncovered the sex toy operation while researching his book Mussolini’s Barber, a compilation of the most bizarre stories in military history. He made the discovery while retracing the footsteps of Americans Ruth and Elliot Handler, the inventors of the Barbie doll. They created their iconic toy after visiting Germany in 1956 and buying the Bild Lilli doll—an adult novelty item sold in German barber shops and nightclubs.

I might buy that book. More info here from Time.

And talking of tyrants inventing unsuspecting things, did you know that Margaret Thatcher invented Mr Whippy Ice Cream?

Or more precisely, she was part of the chemistry team that developed a way to introduce more air into ice cream, thus creating soft ice cream, making it cheaper to manufacture (double the air meant half the ingredients) and pour-able from a spiggot. (Is this an apt metaphor for her economic policies?)

So, next time you’ve got a gob full of creamy-tipped Flake, be sure to think of Margaret.

Now there’s an oh face

But all this is nothing compared to what Harold Wilson invented …

… Spanx.

Obviously not in the body-shaping lingerie form we know and love today, but before he was Prime Minister he was very self-conscious about his bum and belly. He developed this ingenious new material, which he called BlubberBladder, a kind of precursor to lycra.

Basically he stitched together half a dozen bicycle inner-tubes and clambered into the rubber ring every morning.

Some of this blog may in fact be a lie.

Thought Vomit #136: ft. Explain THIS Skeptics

Posted on October 29, 2010 by Simon Dunn

Ever since I was baptised into skepticism, I’ve noticed a worrying development. I keep finding things in my life that cannot be explained away rationally. Take this photo for example.

This shook me to the core of my flux capacitor

I took it when it snowed and thought nothing more of it. But recently, upon closer examination, something struck me as inexplicable. No, it’s not the face of Stalin in the snow on my windscreen, that’s clearly pareidolia. It takes some searching, but once you see it, you’ll be unable to notice anything else. Can you see it?

Can you see the FLYING DELOREAN?

I thought it might be a weather balloon at first, but I asked my Mum, and she said she didn’t know what a weather balloon was, so it can’t be that. Then I saw the BBC News story about the time traveller in the Charlie Chaplin film, and realised it must be happening all the time. Photographic prove, as if any were needed. Explain THAT Skeptics.

What’s more, I was perusing my holiday snaps from my excursion to Mare Tranquilitas, and nearly did a double-take when I looked again at this photo of Earth rise.

Proof of flat earthiness

At first the eye fools you into thinking that’s just atmospheric reflections, but study it further, and it’s clearly the feet and head of a giant turtle. Explain THAT Skeptics.

I suppose these things are sent to test our faith.

Thought Vomit #126: ft. Nick The Clegg Diddle Iddle Iddle Um

Posted on April 18, 2010 by Simon Dunn

If the Lib Dem bounce in the polls is borne out at the ballot box, we could see one of the more stupid consequences of our electoral system. Labour could conceivably finish third in terms of total votes, but actually win an overall parliamentary majority.

A lot of this has to do with the giant, giant majorities Labour won in the past three parliaments – it’s easy to forget that Tony Blair’s New Labour Project was the most successful at the polls since the Second World War. And a lot of it has to do with the fact we’re not electing a President.

To be honest, if this bounce keeps a pair of empty Etonians with a sense of entitlement out of Downing Street, then that can only be a good thing.

"Keep saying Change keep saying Change keep saying Change - hang on, who's that guy?"

But as John Rentoul points out, it does mean that the Labour manifesto suddenly has a lot more meaning – maybe they wrote it expecting defeat. In it, they promise to consult on “an open list proportional representation electoral system for the Second Chamber”.

That would mean a democratically elected upper house. Brill.

Trouble is, it won’t happen. Nick Clegg is famous for ballsing up second-ever national election debates. Last time he did the first-ever follow up leaders head to head, he ate a baby.

Thought Vomit #124: ft. The Manifesto

Posted on April 12, 2010 by Simon Dunn

Labour has launched its manifesto in the form of a YouTube cartoon.

There’s a nice subliminal message in there too. Apparently, some of us are just morons with a megaphone. Nice.

Since I’m standing for election to this blog, hoping to secure an historic second term, here are a few nuggets from my own manifesto.

On the Digital Economy:

“I aim to negotiate processes and systems that aren’t working and negotiate them so you get the social networks you deserve.”

On Foreign Policy:

“I ask you to morph and understand one key thing: What we are being asked to do – execute swiftly on our emerging relationships – has not changed.”

On the NHS:

“The organisational changes I am making will help us grow a culture of prosperous customer focus.”

On Overseas Development:

“I will capitalise global P&L responsibility as well as business and e-service strategy.”

And finally on Parliamentary Reform:

“We now have a structure and a compelling start to benchmark the leadership portals.”

With thanks to the Coporate Bullshit Generator.

But most importantly of all, I’ve been working hard on my election slogan. I think it embodies everything I stand for, and everything I hope to achieve, along with a fair and accurate representation of the mandate I am asking you to support.

“We’re going to iterate processes and systems that aren’t working and iterate them so you get the deliverable you need.”

Thought Vomit #122: ft. A Shit’s Trick

Posted on February 23, 2010 by Simon Dunn

Pressure is mounting on the BBC’s Political Editor to resign this evening, as Nick Robinson stoically refuses to deny allegations of bullying and bias.

Since Friday evening, Nick Robinson has been unable to quash the clamouring calls for his ousting, amid accusations that he once ate a junior reporter’s face, and that his reporting is skewed by his prior involvement with the Tory Party.

Questions about Nick Robinson's face eating just won't go away, because I keep asking them, again and again

All weekend and well in to Monday, the talk in our house was that Nick Robinson, famed for his balding head and stupid delivery, was seen to pin down James Landale and proceed to gnaw his chops off. Now, while none of us actually witnessed this event, one senior source in the kitchen says that he knows a man who knew a woman once who said this actually happened.

But what’s interesting, and it’s what’s got us all atwitter, is that neither Robinson, nor any of his associates, has actually denied this event ever took place.

Sure, on Monday evening, Robinson was seen on the Six O’Clock News stoically not talking about the claims circulating around my head that he once feasted on a colleagues lips, but what’s noteworthy is that at no point during his life has he outright denied these allegations.

Once more, no one is actually saying he did this, and there’s no actual evidence to support the claims, but it’s telling that he hasn’t come out and forcefully demonstrated his innocence.

But does the public care? Some people I’ve spoken to have shrugged and asked me who is this speccy slapper I’m making them look at, but just as vociferously, some people might think it’s make or break time for the BBC’s Political Editor.

And on the wider question of how this is going to affect his coverage of the election, well, it’s long been an open secret that Nick Robinson likes the taste of another man’s cheeks.

This isn’t a scandal. Yet. But if enough people start asking questions and insinuating dreadful scenarios, and if we pose enough rhetorical questions, will this become something bigger? And will Nick Robinson have to face some tough questions in the coming days? Or will one final question with an opposing view make it seem like a thoroughly biased and skewed editorial is actually a balanced piece of journalism?

Only time will tell.