Thought Vomit #112: ft. Biscuits

I had an argument a few weeks back, one that actually made me fizz with actual, proper, real indignant rage. It was about the Rocky Chocolate Bar. And it IS a chocolate BAR, not a biscuit. And that’s what irked me.

My friend insists it’s a chocolate biscuit, and I KNOW FOR A FACT it’s a chocolate bar. If it is individually wrapped, and totally coated in chocolate, it’s a bar, not a biscuit. It’s the same reason a Twix is NOT a biscuit.


And anyone who disagrees with me is wrong. Plain wrong. Wronger than a wrong ‘un dipped in wrong.

Now, if it was wrapped in cheap tin foil, then I would happily concede it’s a biscuit, but the moment you wrap that same thing in a proper tear-able package, it’s become a bar.

These are the facts, and they are not in dispute. Except by my friend, who is an idiot.

35 thoughts on “Thought Vomit #112: ft. Biscuits

  • November 4, 2009 at 10:25 pm

    Oooooooooooooh!! I totally cannot believe you are calling me an idiot!! You are ON MY LIST!
    Its a fucking biscuit!!

  • November 4, 2009 at 10:58 pm

    I’m with you that it’s a bar. there’s an aspect ratio factor involved as well: it’s long and thin and bar like, not round and biscuity. that doesn’t hold for everything, the chocolate finger I’d call a biscuit. It’s a bit small and plastic wrapped with many of it’s fellows to be a bar. Where do you stand on kit kat?

  • November 4, 2009 at 10:59 pm

    Seriously you are in the shit now Simon!

  • November 4, 2009 at 11:00 pm

    Kit Kat? Surrounded in chocolate, properly wrapped = bar. Besides, it’s wafer.

  • November 4, 2009 at 11:01 pm

    Yeah whatever Laura. You knows you is wrong.

  • November 5, 2009 at 12:02 am

    No,no,no. It can’t be a biscuit, It just can’t.
    I will concede that it contains biscuit,that doesn’t mean it IS a biscuit.
    My car contains an engine, but I don’t drive to work in my engine!

    It IS a bar.

  • November 5, 2009 at 10:10 am

    You’re all talking bollocks.
    Simon – they are biscuits from the pure fact they are BISCUITS! I can’t believe you called me an idiot. I am properly offended.

  • November 5, 2009 at 11:09 am

    Simon is right a bisuit encased in chocolate and in wrapper ia bar.

  • November 5, 2009 at 11:10 am

    Rocky, tomato, sheep –> go.

  • November 5, 2009 at 12:09 pm

    what about a fucking kit kat then? they used to come in foil. WERE they biscuits and now choc bars… according to your ridiculous theory????

  • November 5, 2009 at 12:10 pm

    What about Viscount biscuits? They have a wrapper but they are covered in chocolate!

  • November 5, 2009 at 12:11 pm

    Next you’ll be saying jaffa cakes and hobnobs and penguins are all choc bars.

  • November 5, 2009 at 1:08 pm

    Kit Kats always had that extra layer of paper wrapping. Jaffa Cakes and Hob Nobs are not individually wrapped, so are biscuits. Penguins are chocolate bars. It’s a very simple system.

  • November 5, 2009 at 1:09 pm

    Well, obviously the Jaffa Cake is a cake …

  • November 5, 2009 at 1:12 pm


  • November 5, 2009 at 1:13 pm

    What about Clubs?

  • November 5, 2009 at 1:14 pm

    This is a RIDICULOUS theory. A biscuit is called a biscuit cos its MADE OF BISCUIT!! NOT because its in an individual wrapper. BOLLOCKS!

  • November 5, 2009 at 2:08 pm

    Um, no. By that logic anything with caramel in it must be caramel. That’s wrong. A cup of coffee isn’t called Milk.

  • November 5, 2009 at 3:09 pm


  • November 5, 2009 at 4:07 pm

    legally a jaffa cake is classed as a biscuit because mcvities won a court case on that subject regarding it’s tax classification, cakes are classed by the tax people as luxury items biscuits aren’t. RE clubs definately choc bars

  • November 5, 2009 at 4:08 pm

    And cakes contain eggs but biscuits don’t

  • November 5, 2009 at 4:11 pm

    Biscuits go soft as they go stale; cakes go hard. Jaffa cakes lost their legal battle. They’re cakes.

  • November 5, 2009 at 4:30 pm


  • November 5, 2009 at 5:05 pm

    Ha. Excellent find Richard. I was right. Completely. And Jaffa Cakes are cakes, that’s what McVities wanted to prove so they didn’t have to pay VAT, and they won. I’m going to have a victory biscuit.

  • November 5, 2009 at 5:09 pm

    NO. You are NOT right. You just found vindication on the internet… LIKE I DID!!!

  • November 5, 2009 at 5:28 pm

    I didn’t find it, someone else did. That makes it better. And why is this the most contentious thought I’ve vomitted? As for Clubs being advertised as biscuits; Pot Noodles are advertised as food, doesn’t mean it’s true.

  • November 5, 2009 at 6:42 pm

    That was it, yes. McVitie’s WON because they were cakes. And Britain’s foremost biscuit authority doesn’t include Rocky Bars in its list of about 150 different kinds.

  • November 5, 2009 at 6:45 pm

    It’s the petty things in life that are really worth fighting for… like biscuits. And Rocky bars, which are not biscuits but do contain biscuit. Thus spake me.

  • November 6, 2009 at 3:12 pm

    They’re clearly bars. Its all in the shape. Its in the shape of a bar. Like wot gold is. You dont steal gold biscuits from south american revolutionaries. Gold BARS.

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