The Opening Of My Next Novel

At the risk of showing off my underwear, here’s the first two hundred words of my next book.

It was time to die.

She hadn’t had an idea in the longest while, and so it was time to die.

Plus, the clock had stopped.

It used to tick, she knew that. And she knew it because she had made it. She had made a lot of things in her lifetime, too many to count. She even knew, somewhere in the back of her decaying mind, that she had invented something big once. Something so huge that it had taken its toll, and reduced her to the wisp of a memory of what she had once been.

For now, it was hard enough to recall the last thing she had made, let alone the major thing.

Her wrinkled hand pressed against the cool window pane, as yellow with age as her skin, and her failing eyes squinted to see beyond the dirt. The beach outside used to be purple, not this vague grey mauve weak soup colour. The giant planet on the horizon once sparkled as it reflected the hollow sun back at her tiny lost moon.

They had forgotten it was here. They had forgotten she was here. And she had forgotten that they had forgotten. How she knew she had forgotten this, she had forgotten.

She’d even forgotten her name.

It might have been Derek.

, ,
Buy My Books
  • Proctology: A Bottom Examination
    Proctology: A Bottom Examination

    For a long time now I’ve been wanting to write an old-fashioned programme guide. One you can hold in your hand and thumb through, make notes on, spill coffee on. So I did. Proctology: A Bottom Examination is my deep dive into Bottom, the hit BBC Two sitcom starring Rik Mayall and Adrian Edmondson. That’s…

Most Read
  • Re-Casting Keanu
    Re-Casting Keanu

    Keanu Reeves is 56. That makes him eight years older than Clive Dunn was when he was first cast in Dad’s Army. But don’t panic, Clive Dunn was always playing much older characters than his own age. Keanu Reeves is 56. That makes him seven years older than Stephanie Cole was when she was first…

From The Archive

Sign up for my FREE newsletter