This site has not been hacked.
None of your files have been encrypted.
None of your files will be deleted unless you pay a ransom within 48 hours.
Instead, you will be forced to read the insightful, witty, often brilliant, witterings of a man who has had a sore throat since November. From the perspective of his reduced height (unrelated to the sore throats), you will find yourself with a new world view that looks a lot like the underside of someone else’s chin.
This will not cost you any amount of ButCoins.
Once you have failed to pay this non-existent ransom, you will be rewarded with an obscure clip harvested from YouTube which you probably won’t play.
To wit, here’s Terry Wogan talking to Les Dawson in 1983: