Glass Half Full … Of Red Hot Lava

There’s a theory that we should always try and look on the bright side of everything. We should try and see the good in any situation, no matter how bad it seems, or how much worse it might feel like it’s going to get.

We’ll all going to hell in a hand basket.

But that might actually be a nice thing.


I mean, first of all, we have to presume that the hand basket is being carried, and that we’re all getting a nice ride … as if we’re in a hot air balloon basket being carried by a giant.

That might be nice, right?

Sure, the person carrying it is probably a seventy thousand foot version of Beelzebub, but you know, that bright red skin looks nice, and the flames roaring from those skyscraper sized nostrils might be pleasantly warm. And the sulphur smell, we can all have a silent game of who farted in the basket.

There’s even some doubt as to the method of our journey. Some people say we’re going in a hand basket, some people say it’s a handcart, some people say it’s a handbag, and a few people say it’s a bucket (but those people are idiots).

If it’s a handcart, just imagine looking over the side and seeing those ginormous wheels slowly turning below you. The treads would be amazing. It would be like looking down on a city from an aeroplane, and that’s always weirdly fun right?

And if it’s a handbag … wow, imagine being smacked upside the head with a lipstick the size of Belgium. Imagine how comfy the beds will be when they’re made from sheets of tissue as big as the Atlantic.

It won’t be a bucket.

It had better NOT be a bucket.

Oh God.

We’re all going to Hell in a bucket.

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