BBC Fixed

If the BBC is in the news today, it can only be for good reasons I’m sure. While I like the corporation, I do think it could be better. So here are a few of my suggestions to take old Auntie for a stroll into the next charter.

FEWER COMEDIES because no one likes laughing and they are far too big a risk really. And it’s not like they ever got huge ratings in the past (except Only Fools And Horses, but that was a fluke (except To The Manor Born, The Benny Hill Show, Steptoe & Son, The Mike Yarwood Show, but they’re British and people only watch US sitcoms these days)).

ONE SCHEDULER, and that person either has to be me (unlikely) or Barbra Streisand. She seems like she knows a thing or two about entertainment.


LIVE RATINGS ON SCREEN for everyone to see, so that we can tell if we’re getting value for money. If not enough people are watching, our telly boxes should switch over to Sky. And if too many people are watching, our telly boxes should switch over to Sky, because the BBC has never been about populism.

A REBRAND, but not at the expense of the licence fee payer. British Broadcasting Coroporation is too elitist, exclusionist, and well, just too darned corporate. I suggest something that invokes images of abandon and heady thoughts. Clouds maybe. Or blue skies.

HBO IT. HBO make twelve hours of great television every year, so the BBC should model itself on that I reckon. The rest of the schedules could be repeats of those twelve hours, and the radio could just play adverts for those twelve hours, and the website could be adverts for those twelve hours, and the World Service could be adverts for those  twelve hours. You know, like on HBO.

LESS RED ON BBC NEWS because obviously that’s the wrong colour. It should be blue. And it shouldn’t be run by fourteen year olds who saw a news bulletin once and decided they could be broadcast journalists.

PODCASTS. People listen to podcasts don’t they? So perhaps the whole of the radio stuff could just be a half hour podcast once a week. With adverts for those twelve hours.

A NEW FUNDING MODEL. Maybe a pay what you want model. Watch a show and donate what you think it was worth. I have no doubt the people who spent years making it would be grateful for a few quid of thanks afterwards. They might even be able to buy a pint. Who needs food or shelter? Entertainment should be free.


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