I know it's C3-P0 really

May The Third Was Yesterday

It’s the fourth of May, which means it’s Star Wars Independence Day, where we celebrate the time Bill Paxton ate the Death Star, and plunged the galaxy into such disorder that a new, more menacing, menace began to menace. So, like all good daily bloggers, I decided to buck the trend and talk about what Star Wars means to me, sharing with you my personal favourite moments from each of the first seven movies.

Episode One: The Motion Picture

That moment when V’Ger reveals to Spock that SPOILER he’s his real dad, informed my prepubescent mind even more than the lady in the shower, who’s not actually having a shower, but is showering in sound waves until her hair falls out.

Episode Two: The Attack Of Khan

Khaaaaaaaaaaan. Possibly the best of all the Star Wars films, not least because the new uniforms are really cool, and we get to learn a whole new use for sunglasses cases. SPOLIER And when Spock reveals he’s really Kirk’s sister after sticking all his brain in Bones’ brain, yet somehow still managing to be himself afterwards in a chamber flooded with nuclear radiation literally blew my mind. It’s still leaking out of my ears, even to this day. And yes, the remake by Rian Johnson a few years ago, starring Watson from Poirot, that’s just as good too.

Episode Three: The Search For Cock

The whole stealing the Millennium Falcon sequence is great, and watching Doctor Spock going through a puberty so strong it’s destroying a planet – at the time I myself was a few years from doing the same thing myself (sorry Pluto), really rang true with me.

I know it's C3-P0 really
I Love K-9

Episode Four: The One With The Whales

After the high drama of the previous two films, it was good when they did a more silly one, and let Xander take front and centre, while the apocalypse happened in the background and he bought doughnuts. Not enough Harpo or Groucho in this one for me though.

Episode Five: The Final Front Ear

Waaaaay ahead of its time this one from Captain Jack Ryan, who directed it. You probably think I’m going to talk about the fan dance, and the blue cat lady like I’m some sort of pervert or something, but it’s that bit when the Captain says he needs his pain that always sticks with me.

Episode Six: Escape To The Country

Probably the second best film in the original trilogy this one. BECAUSE HIS TESTICLES ARE IN HIS KNEEEEEEEEES.

Episode Seven: The Force Generates

Not seen it yet. No spoilers please. I don’t want to know how Captain Kirk loses his hair.

Buy My Books
  • Proctology: A Bottom Examination
    Proctology: A Bottom Examination

    For a long time now I’ve been wanting to write an old-fashioned programme guide. One you can hold in your hand and thumb through, make notes on, spill coffee on. So I did. Proctology: A Bottom Examination is my deep dive into Bottom, the hit BBC Two sitcom starring Rik Mayall and Adrian Edmondson. That’s…

Most Read
  • Re-Casting Keanu
    Re-Casting Keanu

    Keanu Reeves is 56. That makes him eight years older than Clive Dunn was when he was first cast in Dad’s Army. But don’t panic, Clive Dunn was always playing much older characters than his own age. Keanu Reeves is 56. That makes him seven years older than Stephanie Cole was when she was first…

From The Archive

Sign up for my FREE newsletter