I think I\u2019m stressed. But in order to prove this premise, I suppose it would be pertinent to diagnose stress itself. Let\u2019s see. Irritability? Yep, got that in spades thanks very much. I keep snapping at people for no apparent reason, to the point where I berated my father merely for being unable to hear me. He\u2019s deaf. That made me feel awful and full of self pity. So add those to the list. Three for three so far.
\nThen there\u2019s that unnerving suspicion that you should be doing something else; exacerbated when you finally turn your attention to the thing you thought you should be doing, finding only that the sense is magnified. As I write this now, I know it\u2019s because I have something better to do.<\/p>\n
Then there are the physical signs. One look in the mirror confirms the dwindling eyebrow collection, and as I hunch in close to examine the wreckage, I feel the twangs of pain in my shoulders and the taut balls of frustration welled up inside my thighs. At which point, there\u2019s only one thing for it. A steaming hot bath. Thus, the water lolls and lollops against your chin, soothing the aches and pains, as your brain constantly lists all the things that need to be done.<\/p>\n
I hate my brain. And it\u2019s become clear over the years that my brain hates me. We have an odd relationship. It sits there, silently amused and bemused by the things I do, contrary to its wishes and commands, and I resent the way it looks at me.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m pretty sure I just described text book schizophrenia, but my brain is telling me to stop being so ridiculous.<\/p>\n
In the bath just now, I momentarily swam in the fantasy that it was 1930s New York, and I was sitting in a barbers\u2019 chair on the sidewalk, as a man, his hair greased back, shaved my neck with a cut throat razor. For some reason, this is what I\u2019m yearning for.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s either that or facing the reality that it\u2019s less than a month until I debut my show in Camden, unprepared and unwilling to motivate myself to promote the damn thing with any kind of grace, tact or elegance. It\u2019s taken a great deal of self-control to stop from pasting BUY MY TICKETS all over this missive, in a mass evacuation of fear and pleading; one made so easy by the coupling of CTRL and V.<\/p>\n
I know what\u2019s going to happen. Ten people will turn up for each show, and I\u2019ll be so grateful they came that they\u2019ll leave thinking, \u201cwhy was he so grateful only ten people came? Man alive, he must be desperate.\u201d I\u2019ll kid myself in the meantime that it would be best if no-one came, but that would mean I won\u2019t get the chance to break the show\u2019s legs with any kind of thumping instrument.<\/p>\n
So, here I am, arguing with my brain about the things that aren\u2019t important. It thinks I should stop writing this now, and work to fix some of the show\u2019s structural deficits. I tend to disagree, thinking my time is better spent melting the really nice chocolate I got for my birthday over a huge pile of cornflakes. I think I know who\u2019s going to win this one.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I think I\u2019m stressed. But in order to prove this premise, I suppose it would be pertinent to diagnose stress itself. Let\u2019s see. Irritability? Yep, got that in spades thanks very much. I keep snapping at people for no apparent reason, to the point where I berated my father merely for being unable to hear […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-72","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-whingegasm"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.simondunn.me.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/72","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.simondunn.me.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.simondunn.me.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.simondunn.me.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.simondunn.me.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=72"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/www.simondunn.me.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/72\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":83,"href":"http:\/\/www.simondunn.me.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/72\/revisions\/83"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.simondunn.me.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=72"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.simondunn.me.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=72"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.simondunn.me.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=72"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}